Unfollow.

Looking for inspirational and motivational quotes to help you face life’s challenges?

As a matter of fact, I am!

Actually, this is just another lame excuse for me to make fun of all of the gobbledygook found on Beliefnet (and so much for ever blogging for those guys).

Continuing on:

These famous quotes will uplift your spirit and inspire you to follow your dreams.

OMG! I think I may have just heard an angel sing! Let’s take a look at their top 5, shall we?

1) The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open. – Unknown

Are you fucking kidding me? This is the Number One quote?! It sounds like one of my old tweets … that I immediately deleted. Of course it’s by “Unknown.” I wouldn’t put my name on it either. And yeah, maybe this quote is “famous” … in a special circle of Henny Youngman Hell. Take my open mind — please.

2) Patience is the companion of wisdom. – Saint Augustine

Note to self: Immediately unfollow @SaintAugustine. This is the kind of vague drivel that you sometimes find in fortune cookies and it makes you angry when you read it because you just had fried dumplings and scallion pancakes and General Tso’s chicken and it was so delicious, and then they ruin the whole meal by giving you this stale crap that leaves such a bad taste in your mouth. And anyway, we all know that patience is a virtue, Saint Dipshit!

3) If man is man and God is God, to live without prayer is not merely an awful thing: it is an infinitely foolish thing. – Phillips Brooks

Who the hell is Philip Brooks and why is he making me feel like such a goddamn idiot? I’ve been doing just fine living without prayer, and if I ever change my mind, I’ll call up Bon Jovi. So what Albert’s brother is basically saying here is that we non-believers are a bunch of retards for eternity. You know what, Phil? If man is man and God is God, you’re a stupid asshole!

4) Anyone who is indifferent to the well being of other people and to the causes of their future happiness, can only be laying the ground for their own misfortune. – Dalai Lama

Now I’ve always liked the Dalai Lama – all 14 incarnations of him. And I’m not sure which one of his holiness’s uttered this particular axiom, although I’ve always heard rumors that most of his material was written by the South Park guys. On further reflection, it actually sounds a little too Mother Teresa-ish to me, which ironically lays the ground for a fortune … to be made in a copyright lawsuit that will help the poor and sick. Win-win. I take it back. This really is uplifting.

5) My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness. ­– Dalai Lama

Not sure how the DL got two quotes in the top five, but I suspect Richard Gere had something to do with it (Jesus H. Christ! What a cheap ass joke!) In all fairness, I really do feel that these are words to live by and they’ve inspired me to follow my dream – creating a new site called Disbeliefnet.