When you’re worried, particularly about your health, your friends will pretty much say the same things.
Don’t worry. You’ll be fine. Everything will be okay.
As if they somehow know! Like all of a sudden, they’ve formed their own local chapter of the Psychic Friends Network.
It’s really such a sweet and caring gesture and I’m lucky enough to have great friends who fill my heart with hope and joy, and that’s not so easy when you’re as tall (read: needy) as I am.
Here’s the thing: when they say those kind and reassuring words, I sooooo want to believe them! It takes me out of my own head and places me in their arms and in those moments, I feel loved and protected. My mind will often wander to the times when I’ve had those feelings before — like when I was a little boy. And, now that I think of it, when I first got married.
And also, as it happens, last night with my ex-wife. I keep calling her my ex, but technically, she’s still my wife and non-technically, she’ll always be the mother of my children and the first person who I ever loved.
We had just left the lawyer’s office after finally closing on the sale of our house in Long Island and while Caryn was driving me back to the train station, I shared the news about my cancer scare. She immediately offered to help in any way that she could and I flashed back on her taking such good care of me the first time I had gone through the malignancy mill more than 20 years ago. And just like I had done back then, I began to cry.
I wasn’t even sure what for. Caryn and I had lived together for more than 30 years and have been through all of the fun shit people go through when they’re together for that length of time, and there we were in her car, like old times, and it just hit me how much we had loved each other and I wondered how the hell did it ever get all fucked up and twisted beyond repair? If you look up “Life is funny” in the irony dictionary, you’ll find a picture of us.
Caryn gently wiped away my tears, gave me a hug and in that moment, the world and all of our bullshit went away.
“Don’t worry, babe,” she said. “We’ll be fine. Everything will be okay.”